1) Doubling the vocals on the chorus was scrapped.
2) Putting delay on vocals to sit better in track scrapped (better dry)
3) The organ solo was replaced by a piano (much better)
4) The guitar removed completely during the solo.
5) Editing the song down to one solo section and still four verses.
6) Still not please with final verse but oh well.
The best description of the title is the first verse. With my songs this is always the case. Trying to make a similar verse using the same frame of story or continued story is always troubling.
Some place you want to go and then you discover something that makes you want to go there. That's the basic idea I'd like in every verse, and have the end rhyme "the flower", "the pay off" "the kiss", "the smile" or of course "the tear".
In a lyric there is not much time, so every word should have words that describe or color the simple melody line.
WORD LIKE DOUBLE RYHME
"Damp Rain Forest" "Ended Up Dating the Florist"
"Hit A Brick Wall" "Set Up For A Big Fall"
"Money In Bank" "Pirate Walked The Plank"
This fuzzy verse idea was coming to me throughout the day
"You got to stop at a Hotel, before you get to where your going
you might need to go through hell, before you get flowing."
I found that in this particular song, it's better if the second line follows a different storyline. In this case just a revision to focus the end lead better into the verse.
"You got to stop at a Hotel, before you get to where your going
or hit a brick wall, you may of had no way of not knowing!"
and I like exploring 3 or 4 approaches before deciding . . .
"You got to stop at a Hotel, before you make it to the next morning
You got to hit a brick wall, before you find the way and without warning!"
I enjoy taking it to the next level by throwing in more, and swapping words around.
"You got to stop at a Hotel, before you make it to the next stop
And if you come to a brick wall, you might be hit with a loud pop!"
Rework it, until you really enjoy it!
